3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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