I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I will be naked everywhere
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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