he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
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all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
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At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection