I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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