cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight