from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"