Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
