life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
