well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
