yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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