Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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