He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
