i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
