we're chasing vodka with high fives
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
So squirting runs in the family.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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