I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
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