i was born a porn star she said
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
