He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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