Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
