Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
