Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
