you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Randomize