Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
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