i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
