the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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