My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Everything about him screamed your future.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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