her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
