my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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