I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
