I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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