My sheets look like a crime scene.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
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Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
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