I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
