where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
