Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
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asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
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just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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