The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
