How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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