YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
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I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
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And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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