Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
