physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
