When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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