Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
She needs sedatives and a leash
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
