you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
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he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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