Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
