I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
