Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
