my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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