That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
