the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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