member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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