yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Randomize
