Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
