I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Randomize
