you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Randomize
