turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
