thus making me awesome and them whores
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
