clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
There's always time for handjobs
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
