you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
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