I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
