That's intense
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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