Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
