i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
We left an ass print on the piano.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
