dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
