whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
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