Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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