i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
