Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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