happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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