i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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