Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
