WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
