chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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