ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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