My room smells like vodka and shame
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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