I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
