Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
