i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
