Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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