Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
