i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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