I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
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