I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
