I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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