All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Randomize
